jennheartsu
Note. Explicit content below.
I'm still alive :)
KK... k, quick update.
Basically I've done nothing really new... that I remember. Oh, except sucking it up and getting my life straightened out. So since my last entry, I've lived in a motel, hospital, on a park bench, and in a mission. But, as of September 18th 2009, I re-enrolled into Stadium High School.
As a sophomore... >: / I'm supposed to be a senior and the hopes of going into my proper grade greatly influenced my decision to go through and finish high school instead of settling for my G.E.D. Due to my credits, all 5.5, I could only enroll as a sophomore... even after all the negotiations.
I've gotten over all the hard knocks and accepted it the best I can. By adding way more to my workload than most in my situation could handle. At least that's what every person who sees my transcript tells me.They all say that even with missing about every other day of school freshman year, I did amazingly by maintaining a 2.5. What really gets 'em is when they see all the address changes and hear about some of my problems. Which tickles me, b/c the only reason I missed all that time is due to my drug habits and distaste for schedule keeping.
Nontheless, I've put my big girl pants on and decided to do this the right way. Which, for me, includes adding German, Japanese, English honours, World History honours, Health 2, Geometry, and one extra unnecessary class.... NJROTC. Don't laugh quite yet. I signed up for a "zero hour" class, that takes place an hour before school starts for everyone else, so I can get my P.E. credits and so I could switch around my classes. Otherwise I would have been stuck with Digitools instead of Japanese. See, the counciler was more concerned with me getting all my credits on time that she didn't let me take both language classes when I asked, so I added an extra class to get a free slot on my schedule; which I stuffed in Japanese. (ROFLCOPTER I like stuffing Japanese in my extra slots)
Anywho, I'm extremely proud of myself for doing all of this. I've only missed one day and I was genuinely sick!
So much for a 'quick' update, huh? Well, ta ta to you all, friends. I hope your lives are going great, and even if you don't care... I'm really proud.
Basically I've done nothing really new... that I remember. Oh, except sucking it up and getting my life straightened out. So since my last entry, I've lived in a motel, hospital, on a park bench, and in a mission. But, as of September 18th 2009, I re-enrolled into Stadium High School.
As a sophomore... >: / I'm supposed to be a senior and the hopes of going into my proper grade greatly influenced my decision to go through and finish high school instead of settling for my G.E.D. Due to my credits, all 5.5, I could only enroll as a sophomore... even after all the negotiations.
I've gotten over all the hard knocks and accepted it the best I can. By adding way more to my workload than most in my situation could handle. At least that's what every person who sees my transcript tells me.They all say that even with missing about every other day of school freshman year, I did amazingly by maintaining a 2.5. What really gets 'em is when they see all the address changes and hear about some of my problems. Which tickles me, b/c the only reason I missed all that time is due to my drug habits and distaste for schedule keeping.
Nontheless, I've put my big girl pants on and decided to do this the right way. Which, for me, includes adding German, Japanese, English honours, World History honours, Health 2, Geometry, and one extra unnecessary class.... NJROTC. Don't laugh quite yet. I signed up for a "zero hour" class, that takes place an hour before school starts for everyone else, so I can get my P.E. credits and so I could switch around my classes. Otherwise I would have been stuck with Digitools instead of Japanese. See, the counciler was more concerned with me getting all my credits on time that she didn't let me take both language classes when I asked, so I added an extra class to get a free slot on my schedule; which I stuffed in Japanese. (ROFLCOPTER I like stuffing Japanese in my extra slots)
Anywho, I'm extremely proud of myself for doing all of this. I've only missed one day and I was genuinely sick!
So much for a 'quick' update, huh? Well, ta ta to you all, friends. I hope your lives are going great, and even if you don't care... I'm really proud.
I might be away for a while.
Moving time is on the morrow.
I had some fun with Marc these past few days. By that, I mean yesterday we scored a T of ice and split it damn near in half over a little less than thirteen hours. For, those of you out of date type people... that means: Marc and I spent $120 on Methamphetamine and shot it up periodically until we were out.
Good times.
ttyl bffs... lolcat
I had some fun with Marc these past few days. By that, I mean yesterday we scored a T of ice and split it damn near in half over a little less than thirteen hours. For, those of you out of date type people... that means: Marc and I spent $120 on Methamphetamine and shot it up periodically until we were out.
Good times.
ttyl bffs... lolcat
No Nonstop Discos - Bet you it's Nabisco
Three things
That I did not steal from beccasays
Name 3 Schools You Went To
1. Hamilton Elementary
2. Sanford Middle
3. Stadium High
Name 3 Things In Your Wallet
1. Dust
2. Cob webs
3. Air
Name 3 Things You Always Wear
1. Socks
2. Undies
3. A sign that says, "Kick Me and I'll maul you're kitten"
Name 3 Things You Do When You Are Really Stressed
1. Chill
2. thefuck
3. Out
Name 3 Things You Like To Do
1. Play video games
2. Listen to music
3. Lawlerskate
Name 3 favorite fruits:
1. Strawberries
2. Bananas
3. Grapes
Name 3 things you are addicted to:
1. Oxygen (can't seem to give it up!)
2. Showering
3. Abusing certain substances...
Name 3 career choices:
(Keep in mind I'm going nowhere in life, these are hypothetical)
1. Stewardess
2. Teacher
3. Litigator
Three Names You Go By:
1. Jennifer
2. Fagot
3. Anne Frank
Three Parts of Your Heritage:
1. Sugar
2. Spice
3. And the souls of a hundred thousand black hearted demons, bent on face raping the population til their teeth come out of their belly buttons
Three Things That Scare You:
1. Bear Mace (It's for BEARS!)
2. Pain
3. Being Trapped
Three of Your Everyday Essentials:
1. Food
2. Water
3. Pokemon Trading Cards
Three Things You Want in a Relationship;
1. I
2. Don't
3. WANT ONE!
Two Truths and a Lie (in no particular order):
1. The rabbit was in the hat.
2. I'm content.
3. Silver Bullet is not a gay song.
Three PHYSICAL Things about the Opposite Sex that Appeal to You:
1. Well, you should know me well enough to figure where my first thought led me...>.>
2. Strong hands
3. And I always fall for the vegan, rock star, smokers... ? explain how they look
Three Places You Want to go on Vacation:
1. Saudi Arabia
2. Europe (Yeah, all of it)
3. Tokyo
Three things you want to do before you die:
1. See the world
2. Fall in love (the real kind)
3. Learn everything
No Nonstop Discos - Bet you it's Nabisco
I should explain
My last entry was kinda vague.
Two days ago around 9pm, I got this horrible pain in my lower back... so much so that it made me nauseous. It slowly made it's way to my head... and this throbbing started in my temples. It was so bad it blurred my vision.
So, I decided to lay down... well, no, the pain forced me to lay down.
But it was so bad I couldn't find a position to lay in that didn't hurt. I drifted in and out of sleep for what felt like two hours, before moving out to the couch with my blanket. (Even though it was exceptionally hot, I was freezing.)
Before I could lay down, a huge wave of nausea overcame me and I ran to the sink (that's where the cool kids puke) but, as soon as I gagged, my head started pounding so hard I almost collapsed. I had to grab the walls to hold myself up. I laid down, on the verge of tears, for probably half an hour before my dad came out and saw me. He asked what was wrong and when I told him, he assumed I wanted drugs. He actually said, "Why don't you just say, 'Dad, can I have some drugs?'" I told him I didn't want any because I would puke as soon as I took them. In a classic my dad reaction, he said, "What am I supposed to do then?!?" It never fails... if drugs can't fix it, my dad's at a loss.
He convinced me the oxycodone would take away the pain in my back and put me to sleep... so I took the four he gave me. And what do you know! Within ten minutes I was over the sink gasping for air with puke leaking out of all available orifices. >.>
It sucked. My dad was outside smoking so he found out that he wasted his meds on me when I finally got enough air to kinda yelp "Dad!"... it was a pathetic sight, undoubtedly. He got me ice water and left me to toss and turn on the couch for another hour before I decided to lay on the floor. Neither my dad or I thought to check my temperature, so I just tried to sleep away the pain; and I did, for the most part. After a while I was feeling well enough to walk with the assistance of the walls. I peeked in my parents room to see Marc curled up at the foot of their bed. They noticed me and invited me to lay down in between them. I obliged.
What a sight that must have been! An overcrowded bed made up of two parents pushing 50 with cigarettes hanging out of their mouths , their wasted 19 year old son, and sweat covered, puke spackled 16 year old daughter! Can anyone say Hallmark?
Anyway, as soon as I laid my head on my dad's side, he jumped and said something along the lines of, "Jesus! You're burning up!" I guess I convinced him I wasn't just faking sick for drugs. (Which I never do btw!) My temp was around 102.7 by then. That's saying something considering I was already past the worst of it.
I still had the chills and aches but, I just laid there and let them alternate wet towels all over my torso and head. I never stayed asleep very long anyway. But when I woke up for the day, it was 11am and I could barely lift my head. I was so weak. Then, on top of that, my equilibrium was fucked up (from what I'm assuming was a sinus infection).
I'm now feeling much better, but I still get sudden waves of pain in my temples and my shoulders are very tender. I have to be careful about how fast I stand up or I risk falling back down because of the throbbing.
I never did go to the hospital... even though I wanted to.
Two days ago around 9pm, I got this horrible pain in my lower back... so much so that it made me nauseous. It slowly made it's way to my head... and this throbbing started in my temples. It was so bad it blurred my vision.
So, I decided to lay down... well, no, the pain forced me to lay down.
But it was so bad I couldn't find a position to lay in that didn't hurt. I drifted in and out of sleep for what felt like two hours, before moving out to the couch with my blanket. (Even though it was exceptionally hot, I was freezing.)
Before I could lay down, a huge wave of nausea overcame me and I ran to the sink (that's where the cool kids puke) but, as soon as I gagged, my head started pounding so hard I almost collapsed. I had to grab the walls to hold myself up. I laid down, on the verge of tears, for probably half an hour before my dad came out and saw me. He asked what was wrong and when I told him, he assumed I wanted drugs. He actually said, "Why don't you just say, 'Dad, can I have some drugs?'" I told him I didn't want any because I would puke as soon as I took them. In a classic my dad reaction, he said, "What am I supposed to do then?!?" It never fails... if drugs can't fix it, my dad's at a loss.
He convinced me the oxycodone would take away the pain in my back and put me to sleep... so I took the four he gave me. And what do you know! Within ten minutes I was over the sink gasping for air with puke leaking out of all available orifices. >.>
It sucked. My dad was outside smoking so he found out that he wasted his meds on me when I finally got enough air to kinda yelp "Dad!"... it was a pathetic sight, undoubtedly. He got me ice water and left me to toss and turn on the couch for another hour before I decided to lay on the floor. Neither my dad or I thought to check my temperature, so I just tried to sleep away the pain; and I did, for the most part. After a while I was feeling well enough to walk with the assistance of the walls. I peeked in my parents room to see Marc curled up at the foot of their bed. They noticed me and invited me to lay down in between them. I obliged.
What a sight that must have been! An overcrowded bed made up of two parents pushing 50 with cigarettes hanging out of their mouths , their wasted 19 year old son, and sweat covered, puke spackled 16 year old daughter! Can anyone say Hallmark?
Anyway, as soon as I laid my head on my dad's side, he jumped and said something along the lines of, "Jesus! You're burning up!" I guess I convinced him I wasn't just faking sick for drugs. (Which I never do btw!) My temp was around 102.7 by then. That's saying something considering I was already past the worst of it.
I still had the chills and aches but, I just laid there and let them alternate wet towels all over my torso and head. I never stayed asleep very long anyway. But when I woke up for the day, it was 11am and I could barely lift my head. I was so weak. Then, on top of that, my equilibrium was fucked up (from what I'm assuming was a sinus infection).
I'm now feeling much better, but I still get sudden waves of pain in my temples and my shoulders are very tender. I have to be careful about how fast I stand up or I risk falling back down because of the throbbing.
I never did go to the hospital... even though I wanted to.
I'm so tired, I haven't slept a wink
My dad got out of the hospital yesterday.... again. The blood clots are still there. He's being treated with heparin shots. He wasn't released in time to get to his doc. appointment, in which he would have gotten his Oxycotin prescription written.
Damn.
I'm planning on hanging out with meh Bff Dane todais...
I want to go to the mall and get some new stuff. /frownyface It's been too long since I've been able to let my mind wander far enough from my problems to act like a spoiled brat. I think I'll remedy that today. If only for a while.
(I'm downloading The White Album for my dad, finally!)
Damn.
I'm planning on hanging out with meh Bff Dane todais...
I want to go to the mall and get some new stuff. /frownyface It's been too long since I've been able to let my mind wander far enough from my problems to act like a spoiled brat. I think I'll remedy that today. If only for a while.
(I'm downloading The White Album for my dad, finally!)
No Nonstop Discos - Bet you it's Nabisco
I didn't intend for this to be such a downer
Mostly because I'm hanging out with my friends... but, earlier I got news that my dad has (on top of everything else) blood clots in his lungs. He's had blood clots before but, they were in his legs.
It's just not being around him. The last time I saw him was this morning when he woke me up to tell me he was going to the hospital.
My heart is breaking because my brain won't keep these thoughts of him dying without me knowing to itself.
It's just not being around him. The last time I saw him was this morning when he woke me up to tell me he was going to the hospital.
My heart is breaking because my brain won't keep these thoughts of him dying without me knowing to itself.
No Nonstop Discos - Bet you it's Nabisco
Yellow matter custard dripping from a dead dog's eye
I've been having a real problem writing this, but I figure it'd be better than letting it go unsaid.
My dad's been saying that he'd rather die right now than to see what's going to happen, because he can't bear the pain of dying slowly anymore.
Up until this point, I supported assisted suicide. Call me selfish or whatever you want, I don't care. I know it's wrong to cause him this pain just to keep myself from feeling what I will if I lose him... and I don't care. It's killing me to think that there's something causing him enough pain to make him forget about his wife and children. But I cannot let go of him that easily.
Even thinking about losing him puts this unbearable weight on my chest while simultaneously pushing outwards until I feel like my heart's going to explode. I can't even breathe. I'm not going to say this is the first time I cried thinking about my dad's death... but it's one of the few times that I could bear the pain long enough to take it seriously. I haven't allowed myself to actually believe I'm going to lose him. I'm still not strong enough to be left alone. I need him.
There's this human part of me that believes if I want him enough that some higher power out there will let me keep him. That's why I never took it seriously when he said that he was going to die. I still can't let that hope go that he'll be proven wrong.
If I can, I'll make him stay with me.
My dad's been saying that he'd rather die right now than to see what's going to happen, because he can't bear the pain of dying slowly anymore.
Up until this point, I supported assisted suicide. Call me selfish or whatever you want, I don't care. I know it's wrong to cause him this pain just to keep myself from feeling what I will if I lose him... and I don't care. It's killing me to think that there's something causing him enough pain to make him forget about his wife and children. But I cannot let go of him that easily.
Even thinking about losing him puts this unbearable weight on my chest while simultaneously pushing outwards until I feel like my heart's going to explode. I can't even breathe. I'm not going to say this is the first time I cried thinking about my dad's death... but it's one of the few times that I could bear the pain long enough to take it seriously. I haven't allowed myself to actually believe I'm going to lose him. I'm still not strong enough to be left alone. I need him.
There's this human part of me that believes if I want him enough that some higher power out there will let me keep him. That's why I never took it seriously when he said that he was going to die. I still can't let that hope go that he'll be proven wrong.
If I can, I'll make him stay with me.
It's alright, yeah, it's okay. Cuz in a hundred years no one will care, oh no.
Dane and I went to Tacoma's Freedom Fair on the fourth. It was cool. We walked around a lot. I would have stayed til it got dark, but I guess it was better that we left. (Oh and two words... PROFESSIONAL LARPers!!!)
I saw quite a few people I recognized from my time at Stadium High. Including this dude I had a crush on freshman year... he didn't give me the time of day. But, maybe I should have asked. >.> Meh, I'm too much of a puss to even consider initiating a conversation with someone I like.
So, we spent most of the time walking back and forth, watching the funny looking people, and occasionally stopping to sit on the grass.
After Freedom Fair we grabbed some food. (Ate the grabbed food) Then chilled til 10ish. Once it was nice and dark Marc, Dane, and I split the rest of the canned beer and watched far drunker and much less careful people handle bundles of explosives in a close vicinity. Lol, some guy in front of us burnt his eyebrow off.
It was beautiful nonetheless. One thing I love about places like Firecracker Alley, is that it always turns into a competition between the people. Or at least it does when my family goes there. (If you've never been to a place like firecracker alley, it's a big field where it's legal to shoot off as many fireworks as you feel suitable. It's always crowded and there are TONS of fireworks.) This year we just went to watch. But, I'd rather be in the midst of all of that getting sprinkled with hot ash than down by the water front watching single mortars synchronize to the greatest one hit wonders of the eighties dance scene.
Oh, and before I go... I'd just like to share: It is so much easier to enjoy yourself when you don't plan out how you want your day to go. I felt so much less of a burden by just going along with the natural order of events.
I saw quite a few people I recognized from my time at Stadium High. Including this dude I had a crush on freshman year... he didn't give me the time of day. But, maybe I should have asked. >.> Meh, I'm too much of a puss to even consider initiating a conversation with someone I like.
So, we spent most of the time walking back and forth, watching the funny looking people, and occasionally stopping to sit on the grass.
After Freedom Fair we grabbed some food. (Ate the grabbed food) Then chilled til 10ish. Once it was nice and dark Marc, Dane, and I split the rest of the canned beer and watched far drunker and much less careful people handle bundles of explosives in a close vicinity. Lol, some guy in front of us burnt his eyebrow off.
It was beautiful nonetheless. One thing I love about places like Firecracker Alley, is that it always turns into a competition between the people. Or at least it does when my family goes there. (If you've never been to a place like firecracker alley, it's a big field where it's legal to shoot off as many fireworks as you feel suitable. It's always crowded and there are TONS of fireworks.) This year we just went to watch. But, I'd rather be in the midst of all of that getting sprinkled with hot ash than down by the water front watching single mortars synchronize to the greatest one hit wonders of the eighties dance scene.
Oh, and before I go... I'd just like to share: It is so much easier to enjoy yourself when you don't plan out how you want your day to go. I felt so much less of a burden by just going along with the natural order of events.
No Nonstop Discos - Bet you it's Nabisco
Innocent flirting?
Tags: 
spicy pork
spicy porkDominic I want your body 7:10pm
Me that's not weird 7:10pm
nope... how ya been? 7:10pm
Super you? 7:11pm
eh..... ok I guess 7:11pm
I moved to Tacoma if you didn't know 7:11pm
I know 7:12pm
7:13pm
I miss u... I moved to georgia after freshman year 7:14pm
I miss hanging out w/ you too... do you like Georgia 7:14pm
yeah.... it's ok 7:15pm
Talk to Becca much? 7:15pm
eh..., a little... I don't think she likes me much 7:16pm
I haven't talked to her in ages... I don't think she likes anyone much 7:16pm
yeah... so u gots a bf or something or r u still independent 7:18pm
o srry, independent.. lol I's donts likes they way theys looks at mes 7:18pm
yep hahaha 7:19pm
relationships are trouble 7:19pm
why u say that 7:20pm
well, I don't like the way people act when the get in a relationship possessive needy w/ever 7:21pm
oh... well maybe you are so amazing as a gf that they want to put you away in a box all for themselves 7:21pm
lulz.. OKAY 7:21pm
wat 7:22pm
I'm so amazing... hahaha they're just wierd 7:22pm
every relationship I've been in I've been cheated on so touche 7:22pm
... sorry 7:23pm
it's all good... it's made me into the sexy man I am today 7:23pm
I don't like the idea of cheating... if someone wants to be w/ someone else... end it. lulz sexy fightin the girls off w/ a stick 7:24pm
yep.... not really but I like the idea 7:24pm
lol, don't lie! I saw your pimpin prom picture 7:26pm
I saw your pics 2.... oh hotness 7:26pm
lulz... 7:26pm
wat does that mean 7:26pm
I looked like I had downs in my pics lulz is lol 7:27pm
and I would totally date you... 7:27pm
shucks 7:27pm
wat 7:27pm
aw shucks you're nice 7:27pm
I try 7:28pm
if you weren't so tall, I'd put you in my pocket 7:28pm
hahaha... I COULD put you in my pocket
7:29pm
D: I'm not that short 7:29pm
how tall are you 7:29pm
uhh... 5'4 ish tee hee 7:30pm
in 6'3 ish 7:30pm
ah, I was betting 18 feet tall 7:30pm
hahaha very funny 7:33pm
sooooooo 7:33pm
nice weather >.> 7:33pm
yeah....... right 7:34pm
tee hee 7:34pm
I like that shirt it accents your b... I mean eyes... haha lmfao 7:34pm
lol 7:35pm
I heard that said to a waitress today at chickfila 7:35pm
hahaha Those are pretty tight pants... how do you get into those? Austin Powers 7:36pm
hahafa 7:39pm
text me 407 867 5309:39pm
uh... k 7:42pm
I have to wonder if that's really your number 7:42pm
it is... I said wat it di do 7:43pm
Okay... 9:42pm
fvgxjfgdvfcfhxr 9:42pm
how insightful 9:43pm
I know
Me that's not weird 7:10pm
nope... how ya been? 7:10pm
Super you? 7:11pm
eh..... ok I guess 7:11pm
I moved to Tacoma if you didn't know 7:11pm
I know 7:12pm
7:13pm I miss u... I moved to georgia after freshman year 7:14pm
I miss hanging out w/ you too... do you like Georgia 7:14pm yeah.... it's ok 7:15pm
Talk to Becca much? 7:15pm
eh..., a little... I don't think she likes me much 7:16pm
I haven't talked to her in ages... I don't think she likes anyone much 7:16pm
yeah... so u gots a bf or something or r u still independent 7:18pm
o srry, independent.. lol I's donts likes they way theys looks at mes 7:18pm
yep hahaha 7:19pm
relationships are trouble 7:19pm
why u say that 7:20pm
well, I don't like the way people act when the get in a relationship possessive needy w/ever 7:21pm
oh... well maybe you are so amazing as a gf that they want to put you away in a box all for themselves 7:21pm
lulz.. OKAY 7:21pm
wat 7:22pm
I'm so amazing... hahaha they're just wierd 7:22pm
every relationship I've been in I've been cheated on so touche 7:22pm
... sorry 7:23pm
it's all good... it's made me into the sexy man I am today 7:23pm
I don't like the idea of cheating... if someone wants to be w/ someone else... end it. lulz sexy fightin the girls off w/ a stick 7:24pm
yep.... not really but I like the idea 7:24pm
lol, don't lie! I saw your pimpin prom picture 7:26pm
I saw your pics 2.... oh hotness 7:26pm
lulz... 7:26pm
wat does that mean 7:26pm
I looked like I had downs in my pics lulz is lol 7:27pm
and I would totally date you... 7:27pm
shucks 7:27pm
wat 7:27pm
aw shucks you're nice 7:27pm
I try 7:28pm
if you weren't so tall, I'd put you in my pocket 7:28pm
hahaha... I COULD put you in my pocket
7:29pm D: I'm not that short 7:29pm
how tall are you 7:29pm
uhh... 5'4 ish tee hee 7:30pm
in 6'3 ish 7:30pm
ah, I was betting 18 feet tall 7:30pm
hahaha very funny 7:33pm
sooooooo 7:33pm
nice weather >.> 7:33pm
yeah....... right 7:34pm
tee hee 7:34pm
I like that shirt it accents your b... I mean eyes... haha lmfao 7:34pm
lol 7:35pm
I heard that said to a waitress today at chickfila 7:35pm
hahaha Those are pretty tight pants... how do you get into those? Austin Powers 7:36pm
hahafa 7:39pm
text me 407 867 5309:39pm
uh... k 7:42pm
I have to wonder if that's really your number 7:42pm
it is... I said wat it di do 7:43pm
Okay... 9:42pm
fvgxjfgdvfcfhxr 9:42pm
how insightful 9:43pm
I know
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