Made exactly 12:05 am 5/10/08.

I'm going to try my best to be nice. Sounds easy, right? Not for me. Anytime I'm approached by anyone, I distance myself and put on this cool air that counters sincerity w/ sarcasm. My friends eat it up, but I know it hurts my father. There's just something about letting others know your feelings w/out being hostile that just terrifies me. That's kinda the reason I like blogging. It gives me a sense of anonymity and it takes away the faces of the people I'm telling my secrets to. 

It's kinda funny, the only time I let go and express myself is when I'm on drugs. Not just stabilizers and what not, but Vicodin, Oxycotin, even Methadone. Oh and btw, I tried Morphine for the first time. I took three 15's at once and crushed the coating between my teeth. I had a horrible taste in my mouth for around an hour, but my entire mouth was numb!! XD

Anyway >.> back to the heartfelt, revealing truth about the  real  Jennifer... XD (Now I'm done w/ the sarcasm, promise.)

This resolution was really made for my dad, b/c I've really been feeling down on myself for rejecting his final attempt at an untarnished relationship w/ me. I act as if he's done me wrong in some way.... even though he has... but, I should forgive him right? He's actually dying this time, right? God, I look back at all the times I ignored him in the hospital and I think he's jealous of my clinginess to my mother. (It's a bipolar thing) Each time she goes away I flip out and he takes notice. The never ending, unspoken feud between us over her attention doesn't help either.

This entry has gone on way longer than I thought it would and I'm gonna wrap it up by saying.. the whole resolution thing hasn't gone as well today as I'd hoped but, all's not lost yet. Tommorrow's another day!